Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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