After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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