at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
