"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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