I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
