Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
