So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
