So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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