I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
