let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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