Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
