I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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