I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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