I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to be your penis for a week.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
