I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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