I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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