i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
