The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
