Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
