Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
