There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
