But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
