I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
