How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
