what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
