She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
