Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
