I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
