the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
