Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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