Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
