OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
