If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
