Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
