my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize