I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
