Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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