I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
