Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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