no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
