I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
