Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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