My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
