Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
