Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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