I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
