Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
