Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
