Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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