Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
