True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
