if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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