he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
