Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
