I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
