god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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