Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
