i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
