dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
