Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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