3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
