What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
