i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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