Cold hands, warm shart.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
