Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
