So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
