Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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