he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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