my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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