took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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